Here is my second update on joining the Illuminati. I haven’t joined yet. Still no membership has been offered to me. No one has even admitted to me that they are in the Iluminati. I have an excellent, I tell you excellent, plan for world domination that is just going to waste. I’m beginning to wonder if these “enlightened ones” are all that. If my secret plan were put into effect with the right backing and manpower we could take over the world in five, six years tops. The Illuminati have been around for what? Over a hundred years? What is taking them so long? Slow and steady is one thing but they’ve had a hundred years. I am not very impressed with their whole “taking over the world” racket at all. I think they are playing us all for suckers.

By my thinking any “take over the world” secret society should just disband after 30 years of failure. It’s okay to pass down you world domination plan to your kids. But your grandkids? You know the generation gap will be too wide by then and your grandkids will think your world domination plans are quaint and old fashioned. Any “invisible government” lacks continuity after a few decades. Too many of the old timers die off and too many of the new guys come in with their own ideas. There are probably significant changes to the plan every ten years. So that would be the time span for “taking over the world” success. After a dozen years just give up.

I also have to figure that world domination secret societies skew a little older in terms of their members’ ages. It takes a while to establish yourself in the world and then a secret society has to notice you and think you will be good for the cause. It is sort of like winning that genius grant I hear about (I should have one of those too, you know). Twenty year olds don’t get in. I estimate the youngest members are in their forties. This gives a secret government a fairly short window of effective operating. They’ve got to get things going quickly. World domination waits for no one.

Another way the Illuminati could go is to make membership hereditary. This would provide continuity but not much effectiveness. History has taught us that leadership is a hit or miss affair in any royal lineage. Plans go wrong when incompetent members inherit parts of the plan that they just can’t pull off. I suspect there might be some of this happening with the Illuminati because the have been around for so long and have so not taken over the world. Someone’s idiot kid screws the pooch every few years and they have to clean up the mess. Start all over because of some dumb cousin.

Then there is the fact that the world is a big place. One has to take this into account. It is not easy to take over all of it. Where do you start? How do you cover it all at once? If these Illuminati have been around a hundred years then maybe their plan is too old and slow. But still, we have cars and planes now so what’s up with these Illuminati? My plan takes bigness into account. You could say bigness is all over my plan. But I’ve teased you enough because you will never get to hear my plan. It’s a secret plan, after all, and I can’t just go blabbing it on the street corner. But, believe me, if it was ever put into effect you’d say, “Dude, that was such a sweet plan”. And you’d hope I wouldn’t crush you under my heel.

I think I am going to have to start my own secret society bent on world domination. It sounds like a big job because I am friends with not even one captain of industry. My plan needs some pretty big resources. You can’t cheap out when enforcing your will on the world. Most plans go wrong because of undercapitalization. Everyone knows this. So if there are any captains of industry or venture capitalists out there who want to take over the world drop me a line and I won’t mention it to anyone. “Secret” is the first word in “Secret Society”.